🕊️ Pope Endorses Holy Herb: Vatican Approves ‘Vaticanna’ Strain 🌿

March 31, 2025
|In Stoner Culture, Cannabis & Business, Strains of Cannabis, Future of Cannabis
|By Blunt

ROME, April 1st — In a heavenly twist that sent shockwaves through both spiritual and cannabis communities, the Vatican has officially unveiled its newest initiative for global peace: Vaticanna, a signature cannabis strain “blessed for contemplation, reflection, and vibes of divine chill.”

This holy hybrid — developed in secret by herbalists and monastic scholars — is rumored to be the first weed ever approved for use by the Holy See. And according to Vatican officials, it’s “best enjoyed during moments of prayer, meditation, or mellow Sunday mornings.”

✝️ The Pope Speaks: “Let There Be Light… and a Little Indica”

In a statement released from Vatican City, Pope Francis shared the reasoning behind this high-minded move:

“In times of global unrest, people seek peace. And sometimes, peace can be found in the gentle embrace of the earth’s most sacred herbs.”

Sources say the Pope personally sampled an early Vaticanna tincture during a silent retreat and called the experience “divinely enlightening.”

🔥 What Is Vaticanna?

Vaticanna is a thoughtfully bred hybrid strain combining elements of Holy Basil, Lavender Kush, and an elusive landrace known only to Benedictine monks in Southern Italy.

Blessed effects include:

  • Profound inner peace

  • Enhanced empathy and forgiveness

  • A sudden desire to text your ex and say “It’s all love”

  • Floating feelings (physical levitation not yet confirmed)

  • The irresistible urge to reread Corinthians and then nap

The strain will be distributed through Pax Christi, a newly formed dispensary cooperative operated by Jesuit monks and licensed herbalists.

😇 Spiritual Use Only

Church officials are stressing that Vaticanna is for spiritual use only, to be consumed during moments of “holy chill,” deep reflection, or during the Pope’s new Sunday livestream: “Hotbox and Homily.”

Bongs are strictly prohibited on church grounds (unless built from ethically sourced frankincense).

🤔 Mixed Reactions in the Flock

The Vatican’s bold step has inspired both awe and confusion across the globe.

Twitter reactions include:

  • @NunYourBiz: “This Easter, I’m smoking salvation. #Vaticanna”

  • @HolyRollerz420: “Imagine getting high and confessing to the Pope via Zoom. Iconic.”

  • @ExCatholicNowBack: “I left the Church years ago. But this? This brings me home.”

Meanwhile, certain conservative bishops reportedly mistook the pre-rolls for incense sticks and tried lighting them during mass.

💸 Proceeds with a Purpose

All Vaticanna sales will support:

  • Global peace initiatives

  • Climate-focused agricultural projects

  • Church roof repairs (after that lightning thing)

  • A new Vatican Spotify playlist: “Chill with the Holy Ghost”

🙏 Final Thoughts

While it may seem unexpected, the Vatican’s endorsement of Vaticanna signals a new age of openness, spiritual exploration, and elevated theology. Whether you’re Catholic, spiritual-but-not-religious, or just here for the memes — it’s clear: the times, they are a-changin’.

🚨 APRIL FOOLS! 🚨

Sorry folks, as much as we’d love to see Vaticanna in a dispensary near you, this entire article is a joke. There is no official Vatican-approved weed strain (yet), and Pope Francis is not starting a wellness brand (that we know of).

But hey — if this gave you a chuckle, mission accomplished. Pass it on. ✌️🌿