🎬 Netflix Rolls Out “Stoner Shuffle” for Chill Viewers Who Just Can’t Decide

April 1, 2025
|In Stoner Culture, Future of Cannabis, Cannabis in the Media
|By Blunt

After years of “Are you still watching?” and “What should we watch?” debates, Netflix has finally introduced a feature designed for its highest tier of users: the indecisive, the snack-laden, and the spiritually chill.

Introducing: Stoner Shuffle.
A red button for when your brain says, “Too high to choose. You decide.”

🍿 A Feature Made for the Mellow

Whether you’re mid-munchie meltdown or stuck in a couch-cushion vortex, the new “Stoner Shuffle” button takes the pressure off decision-making and delivers a perfectly curated mix of the most vibe-worthy content.

Netflix’s algorithm pulls from categories like:

  • 🌍 Planet Earth (because animals. And David Attenborough.)

  • 🍕 Taco Chronicles (visual munchies)

  • 🚗 Pineapple Express (obviously)

  • 🧠 How It’s Made (soothing industrial chaos)

  • 🧙‍♂️ The Hobbit Extended Edition (6 hours of cozy escape)

  • 🧸 Adventure Time (just trust us)

The new feature even adjusts based on your snack consumption. “If we detect multiple microwave pauses, we switch you to food docs,” explained a Netflix engineer, probably joking. Probably.

😶‍🌫️ Bonus Features

  • “I Forgot What I Was Watching” Button – Instantly rewinds 10 minutes

  • “Pause for Munchies” Mode – Activates snack break screensavers

  • “Vibe Check” Mode – Adjusts brightness and audio based on your energy

  • Built-In Lighter Finder – Still in beta. Still doesn’t work.

📺 Designed by Stoners, for Stoners (Allegedly)

The product was quietly beta tested in states where cannabis is legal. One tester described the feature as:

“Like a warm blanket of content wrapped around my brain while I ate Cool Ranch Doritos and contemplated the plot of Shrek.”

👀 A New Era of Streaming?

Netflix has not commented on future expansions of the Shuffle Series, though internal sources say “Gothic Girlfriend Shuffle” and “Cursed Reality TV Roulette” are in development.

Meanwhile, “Stoner Shuffle” has already caused major buzz online.

One fan tweeted:

“I haven’t made a decision in 36 hours and I’ve never been happier. Thanks, Netflix.”

🚨 APRIL FOOLS! 🚨

Sadly (or maybe thankfully?), “Stoner Shuffle” isn’t real… yet.
But we do recommend Planet Earth + tacos if you’re vibin’.

Share this with someone who’s spent more time scrolling than watching.
And remember: in the spirit of April 1st, trust no algorithm — except maybe this one. 😎